I Just don't Know :/

I would like a little sign that every thing happened over the last day would go away and be okay..but I don't see that happening. It's not like I want this I really don't but what is a girl supposed to do when the person she put every thing into..makes it so easy to leave, for him and not me. He can hand back every thing that I have ever given him like it was nothing. Was it nothing? I don't  know. I just don't even know what to do anymore. It just feels like it was all for nothing now. After every thing that I thought we were working for it's basically falling apart. There is no way i could have taken that a different way last night. It's not just me that thought that it was a cruel and heartless thing to do. If he wants it to be over..do I just let him leave..or keep fighting for something that just won't seem to stay...happy?

GO AWAY ALREADY! >:P

I don't know where else i'm supposed to start. I was having such a quiet, nice day. Maybe I should just start at the beginning.
I was walking through the forum on my way to SSR. (Yes I am classified as a senior but with me dropping out 3 times I have to still do an extra year. Anyways back to the story:) and I could have sworn that I saw you with your bleach blonde spikey hair walk right in front of me. No, i'm wrong. You don't even go to school here anymore. You graduated last year. Why are you here? But that's just like you to show up when my life is going good and i'm all fine and whatever. You always show up. Man, I don't know. I don't even want to process that. I am such a drama queen, I know. But I had a dream of you. We lived together again and for some reason we stayed the night at my sister's house. It's stupid, I know, but you were my best friend. I never thought you, Jordy, and I wouldn't be able to talk and hang out. Man, I really miss those days. THIS is why I don't like seeing you. I got used to seeing Jordy because we go to the same school and he's a good kid. He didn't blame anything on me. HE was going to take the blame. But you, you wanted he and I to take all the blame while you went scott free off to college. Do you think that's okay? Really? I don't! I don't think it's in any way, shape, or form okay. I just wish we all didn't do what we did.  You know? No, you probably don't. You're life doesn't sound like it's changed much at all. That's pretty shitty of you. My life was turned upside down but you got to live your life the exact way that you wanted to. Jordy even had his life change too. We did but you didn't. You're the big baby that wants everything your way or no way. I'm just done with feeling bad for you. But I wish I never had to see you again. Seeing an old best friend is never fun, never. I hope the best for you. I'm not mean enough to say I hate you and hope your life turns out the way mine had. I would never wish that on anyone. Ha. Well, I hope you know how much I wish I never met you.

The Situation

So I have a situation and iy has been dubbed by almost everyone I know as The Situation. I'm not aware any six packs were ever involved. Haa. Well, with this "situation" has been on my mind non stop for almost a month now. It's a big deal, not even being dramatic. Well anyways so a few girls in my Health class know because I trusted them, well, I trusted one and the other kept bugging me because she wanted to know. ANYWAYS so now the girl that kept bugging me to know what it is now ignores me and stares me down, literally. I haven't done anything wrong to her or bad mouthed her in any way yet I still get treated like that. Not cool dude. Every time I try to talk to her she ignores me and when we talk about a certain subject in class she stares at me when she doesn't think i'm looking. I know when someone is staring at me. It's just getting on my nerves when you're hoping to have people there for you when you were there for them and they just leave. It's a terrible feeling. There are so many people this could relate to but it's about one person, maybe two, in particular.
Long story short; Keep an open mind. You never know when you're friend is going to tell you something really surprising and hopes you'll still be their for them. Be there for them, or just leave now.

Just A Little Lost

I don't even know what to do. I give my input on what I think we should do and all of a sudden i'm getting the silent treatment, really? I don't even know how the hell i'm supposed to deal with this and you just seem to think  it's all going to be a walk in the park BUT you're difficult and don't want to admit that it's not going to be easy..it's going to be really hard. One of the choices I made is a smart one; I think so. How the hell else am I supposed to say this? The ONLY person that will listen to anything I say now are my sisters but one is only excited because she doesn't have to deal with me. Cool.

I guess it's time to give someone a little message and let them know what's been going on because I know you haven't told her.

It's Just A Fight, Right?

I looked into your eyes and all I saw was anger...you looked so upset. I'v seen you mad before but you looked at me like I was just some old friend you couldn't wait to get rid of. Is that true? What do I do now...i'v put everything into this relationship. I want both of my best friends back so I can cry to them but one of them I haven't even talked to in weeks and the other...he's too busy with his own life. I'm glad I have at least ONE person that won't judge me and will talk to me about anything with out taking sides. I'm thankful for that. I need that. But I can't stop crying. I don't know what you're thinking, or why. I wish I knew. This is all so hard to deal with especially with the fact that we have a a little situation we could be dealing with. I hope we don't...time will tell, I guess. Lately all we have been doing is arguing and fighting ABOUT EVERYTHING. This time it's not even me who started the argument. Maybe, maybe, this IS the end. It's not like I want it to be but...I guess everything must come to an end and there isn't much else I can do but move on, right? I really don't want to. We both put so much into this relationship. I don't want to just drop it, like nothing.

I guess, I really don't have much choice though, huh?

Oh, I love Paramore!

Dear Jaseyface,

I am now constantly asking myself what I did wrong...what did I do this time? Am I really someone that is so hard to trust? I don't think I am. I think I've actually been doing pretty good at telling the truth lately but I feel like I have to hold so much back or if I do tell you you get upset because it's not something you want to hear. I don't know, you know? It's like, I want to to just end it and have all the hurt be over with but than again iSome times you can't just let go of the best thing you've ever had with out a fight. I've never had a relationship like this, a teenage dream. You're my teenage dream. We fight and want to kick each other in the face, sometimes, but through all that we still are together.
I don't know how long this will last or IF it will last but I like the roller coaster we've been on so far. It's been the best yet. It's always going to be hard and we won't know what to do but that will be the interesting part of the whole story.

<3 ,
   Your babygirl